humansofnewyork:

“My entire childhood was geared toward college.  My father worked at IBM for thirty years, and he expected me to get a degree.  It was never toxic.  He didn’t push me toward a particular career.  He just always wanted me to work toward a goal.  I made good grades in high school.  I studied chemistry in college because that was my favorite subject.  I planned on being a teacher.  Freshman year went great.  But soon the classes got more specialized and difficult.  I tried working harder, but that didn’t seem to help.  I began to feel like a failure.  My behavior changed.  I started skipping classes.  I overslept my alarm.  Some days I wouldn’t even get out of bed to eat.  If I did get out of bed, it was usually just to play video games.  My grades began to drop.  But I remained in denial for the longest time.  I didn’t think I deserved to be depressed.  I had a great childhood.  A great family.  I did well in school.  But the denial caused the depression to snowball.  Because over and over again I’d ask myself why, and I could never pinpoint the answer, which made me even sadder.  My best friend suggested that I leave school and get a job.  He thought it would force me to get into a routine.  And he was right.  I started working at a silicone plant in Albany.  Some days I wanted to die, but it got me out of bed every day.  And that had always been the most difficult thing.  Soon I was going to the gym.  And hanging out with friends again.  It’s been six years since I left school.  I’m feeling pretty good.  I manage a liquor store now.  I work hard.  I make decent money.  Maybe going back to college is the next step, but I’m not in a hurry to find out.  Right now I’m fine with not progressing, because I feel content where I am.  If I’m stuck, it’s definitely not a bad stuck.”